Background: My Parents’ Marriage

I (17F) grew up with my brother (15M) in what I thought was a fairly typical family. My parents were married for almost two decades, and while things weren’t perfect, I thought they were stable. That illusion was shattered when I found out my dad had been cheating on my mom for years.

He didn’t just have a fling — he had an entire second family. He fathered kids with his affair partner, “Samantha,” and kept it secret until recently. My mom was devastated when the truth came out. She filed for divorce, but it’s been ugly and complicated.

What My Dad Did Next

Here’s where things get messier. My dad started trying to manipulate me and my brother into hating our mom. He told us things like:

• “Your mom doesn’t care about family.”
• “She’s selfish for refusing to help support your half-siblings.”
• “A good woman would’ve forgiven me for the sake of the kids.”

Basically, he tried to paint my mom as heartless because she wouldn’t spend her money, time, or energy supporting the children he had outside their marriage.

It made no sense to me. Why would my mom be responsible for raising or financing kids that were born because of his betrayal?

The Conversation That Sparked It All

The breaking point came during one of our visits with my dad. He ranted about how “cold” my mom was for not helping Samantha and her kids.

He said, “She should step up as an adult. Those kids are your siblings, and she’s pretending they don’t exist.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My dad was the one who chose to cheat. My dad was the one who created this second family. And yet, he was trying to shift the blame onto my mom — as if she was somehow worse than him for not being supportive of the woman who broke her marriage.

What I Said to My Dad

I snapped. I told him:

“Dad, nothing you say will ever make me think Mom is worse than you. She could never be worse than the person who cheated on his family and tried to replace us. Stop trying to make us hate her because you messed up.”

I also told him that trying to pit me and my brother against our mom was disgusting and that we wouldn’t fall for it.

His Reaction

He was furious. He said I was “brainwashed” by my mom, that I was “too young to understand,” and that one day I’d “see the truth.”

But the truth was obvious: he wanted us to carry some guilt for his choices. He tried to spread the blame so he didn’t look like the bad guy.

After my outburst, he gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the visit. Later, he texted me, “One day you’ll regret choosing sides.”

My Brother’s Support

The only good part was that my brother backed me up. After we left, he told me he agreed with everything I said. He said he hated how Dad tried to make Mom look like the villain when she was the one who got betrayed.

Knowing I wasn’t the only one who saw things clearly meant a lot.

Why I Feel Conflicted

Here’s where I struggle: I know yelling at my dad wasn’t the most respectful thing to do. He’s still my father, and I know I crossed a line by being so blunt.

But at the same time, how else was I supposed to respond? He’s been trying for months to poison us against our mom. He refuses to take responsibility for his own actions. And he acts like we’re being unreasonable for not hating her.

What My Mom Thinks

When I told my mom what happened, she hugged me and said she was proud of me for standing up for her. But she also looked sad. She said she never wanted me and my brother to feel like we had to take sides.

I could see the pain in her face. Even though she’s the wronged party, she still doesn’t want us to hate our dad. She wants peace.

The Family Divide

Of course, some relatives have opinions.

• My aunt (Dad’s sister) said I was “disrespectful” and should apologize to him.
• On the other hand, my mom’s family told me I did the right thing by speaking the truth.
• A couple of cousins told me to “just stay out of it” — but how can I when my dad is literally dragging me and my brother into his mess?

It feels like no matter what I do, I’ll upset someone.

Why I Don’t Think I’m Wrong

Here’s why I stand by what I said:

1. My mom didn’t cheat. She didn’t lie, she didn’t create another family, and she doesn’t owe anything to the kids who were born from Dad’s affair.
2. My dad is shifting the blame. He’s trying to dodge responsibility by making my mom look cold. That’s manipulative.
3. It’s unfair to drag kids into this. He’s asking us to take sides against our own mother, which is damaging and toxic.
4. Truth matters. Sometimes, being blunt is the only way to cut through manipulation.

My Guilt

Still, I can’t shake the guilt. I know my words were harsh. I know telling a parent they’ll never look better than the other is like throwing salt in a wound.

Part of me wonders if I should’ve tried to be calmer, or if I should’ve just ignored him. But ignoring him would’ve meant letting his words go unchecked.

And I couldn’t let him keep trashing my mom in front of us.

The Bigger Picture

This whole situation made me think about how kids of divorce often get weaponized. Parents who can’t take accountability sometimes try to turn their kids into pawns. That’s what my dad is doing.

But kids aren’t pawns. We’re people. We see the truth, and we deserve honesty.

Am I the Asshole?

So, Reddit — AITA for telling my dad my mom could never look worse than him after he tried to make us hate her?

My words were harsh, but my dad needed to hear them. He might never admit it, but deep down, I think he knows I’m right.

Reflection: Hard Truths in Families

Here’s what I’ve learned from all of this:

• Cheating doesn’t just hurt your spouse — it hurts your kids too.
• Parents who try to manipulate their children into hating the other parent are selfish.
• Sometimes, kids have to speak up, even if it’s uncomfortable.
• Love and respect go both ways — and right now, my dad hasn’t earned either.

Mock Reddit Comment Section

[NTA] (⬆️ 18.4k)

Your dad cheated, lied, built a second family, and is now trying to make your mom look bad for not supporting the consequences of his choices. That’s manipulation 101. You defended your mom, and you were right to do it.

[NTA] (⬆️ 12.9k)

This isn’t about “disrespecting your father.” This is about holding him accountable when he refuses to take responsibility. You’re a teenager, yet you see the truth more clearly than he does. Stay strong, and keep supporting your mom.

[ESH] (⬆️ 3.2k)

I agree your dad is the major AH here, but telling a parent they’ll “never look better than the other” is a low blow. You had the moral high ground — but that statement might have just fueled his victim narrative.

[NTA — Funny Take] (⬆️ 7.1k)

Your dad: “Your mom is cold and heartless.”

You: “Okay but… you cheated and made a whole other family.”

Mic. Drop. 🎤😂

[YTA] (⬆️ 1.8k)

I’ll get downvoted, but yes. Not because your dad isn’t wrong (he is), but because stooping to his level of harshness doesn’t help. You could’ve made your point without shutting him down so brutally.

[NTA and I’ve been there] (⬆️ 4.9k)

My dad did the same thing after he cheated — tried to poison me and my siblings against my mom. It backfired, just like with you. Kids aren’t stupid. We see who the liar is. You’re not the asshole. Your dad’s ego can’t handle the truth.

[NTA — Sarcastic Take] (⬆️ 6.6k)

Ah, yes, the classic move: cheat on your wife, make a second family, then get mad at her for not raising your affair babies. 🙄 Your dad’s lucky all you said was that Mom could never look worse than him.

[NAH] (⬆️ 2.3k)

I don’t think you’re wrong, but your mom’s right — she doesn’t want you caught in the middle. It sucks because your dad put you there—no winners in this situation.