Background: My Parents’ Custody Agreement

I (16F) have lived with divorced parents for the past six years. The custody agreement has been the same since the divorce: one week with Mom, one week with Dad, alternating back and forth. It’s not perfect, but it works. Both parents have tried to maintain their separate routines, and while there’s sometimes tension, I’ve managed to adapt.

During Mom’s weeks, I stay fully at her place. During Dad’s weeks, I remain entirely with him. That structure has been clear, consistent, and necessary to maintain stability.

But recently, things have changed because of my dad’s new wife.

My Dad’s New Marriage

About two years ago, Dad married “Claire.” She’s in her late 20s, so much younger than him. I tried to be polite at the wedding and after, but we don’t have a very close relationship. She isn’t mean, but she isn’t maternal either. She feels more like a guest in my life than a stepmom.

Now Claire is pregnant. She’s due in a few months, and lately, everything in Dad’s house revolves around her. That’s not unusual, I guess — pregnancy is a big deal — but it’s been hard to deal with when I feel like an afterthought.

The New Expectation

Here’s where things get tricky. My dad asked me to come by during Mom’s weeks to “check in” on Claire. He says she gets lonely, and since she’s pregnant, it would “mean a lot” if I spent time with her.

At first, I thought he meant just a quick visit here and there. But then he started pushing harder, like, “You should be here at least two or three times a week during Mom’s time.”

That doesn’t sound like much, but it’s a big deal to me. Custody weeks give me structure. They provide me with balance. When I’m at Mom’s, I want to be at Mom’s. I don’t want to constantly shuttle back and forth or feel responsible for entertaining Dad’s pregnant wife.

Why I Said No

I told my dad I didn’t want to do that. I explained that Mom’s weeks are my time with her and that I don’t want to cut into it. I also said I don’t feel close enough to Claire to act as her emotional support system.

She has friends, family, and my dad — she doesn’t need me to fill that role.

My dad didn’t take it well. He said I was selfish, that family means “stepping up when you’re needed,” and that I should be more compassionate because Claire is carrying my future sibling.

But from my point of view, I never signed up to be her companion. I didn’t choose this dynamic. I already manage the back-and-forth custody arrangement, and I don’t think it’s fair to ask me to give up time with my mom to comfort someone I barely know.

His Reaction

After I told him no, Dad got cold. He started saying things like:

• “You’re hurting Claire’s feelings.”
• “You’re already old enough to be more understanding.”
• “Your mom is poisoning you against us.”

That last one really upset me, because Mom never badmouths Dad. She’s always encouraged me to keep a good relationship with him, even when she has every reason not to.

Claire hasn’t said much directly to me, but I can tell she’s upset too. When I’m at Dad’s, she comments, “It’d be nice if you wanted to spend more time here,” or “I hope you’ll be around more once the baby comes.”

It makes me feel like I’m already failing some role I never asked for.

My Mom’s Perspective

When I told my mom about this, she got angry — not at me, but at my dad. She said custody weeks are legally binding and that he doesn’t get to encroach on her time. She told me it’s not my responsibility to manage his household, and definitely not my responsibility to look after Claire.

She said if I wanted to visit, she wouldn’t stop me, but she also reassured me that I don’t have to just because my dad is pressuring me.

Why I Feel Conflicted

Here’s where I struggle. I know pregnancy is complicated. I know Claire probably feels lonely sometimes. And I know my dad wants me to bond with her before the baby comes.

Part of me feels guilty for not trying harder. If I had spent more time with her, things would have been easier when the baby arrived. Maybe I should be “stepping up” the way my dad says.

But another part of me feels like this isn’t my job. I didn’t choose this marriage, I didn’t choose this baby, and I shouldn’t be forced to give up time with my mom to make Claire feel better.

What Other People Think

I’ve asked some friends what they think; the responses are mixed.

Some said I should visit sometimes, because it’s not worth the fight, and it would make things smoother at Dad’s house. Others said I’m absolutely right to stand my ground — custody time is custody time, and my dad is crossing boundaries.

Even some extended family members weighed in. One of my aunts told me I’m “cold” and that I’ll regret not bonding with Claire before the baby comes. Another aunt said my dad is manipulating me into feeling responsible for something that isn’t mine to carry.

So now I’m confused about whether I’m holding a fair boundary or just being unkind.

Why I Don’t Think I’m Wrong

Here’s why I stand by my decision:

1. Custody weeks exist for a reason. If my dad wants me more during the week, he can go back to court and renegotiate, not guilt-trip me.
2. Claire is not my responsibility. She has her husband (my dad) and other support systems.
3. I deserve my time with Mom. She’s not second-tier just because she’s not the one having a baby.
4. Forcing me to visit will only create resentment. It should be natural, not coerced, if they want me to build a bond.

Why I Still Feel Guilty

Even though I believe I’m right, I feel guilty about how my dad looks at me when I say no. He acts like I’m betraying him, like I don’t care about my future sibling.

And I do care. I want to be part of my siblings’ lives when they’re born. But I don’t think spending extra time with Claire during her pregnancy is the only way to prove that.

I’m scared my dad will see me as ungrateful or selfish forever if I keep holding this boundary.

The Bigger Picture

This whole situation has made me realize how easy it is for kids of divorce to get caught in the middle. My dad thinks he’s asking for something simple, but he’s asking me to take sides. If I spend more time at his house, that’s time I lose with Mom.

It feels unfair that my loyalty is constantly being tested. I wish he could accept the custody schedule and let me live my life without making me feel guilty.

Am I the Asshole?

So, Reddit, am I the asshole because I won’t go to my dad’s house during Mom’s custody weeks to check in on his pregnant wife?

I feel like I’m standing up for my boundaries, but maybe I’m too rigid. Should I be more flexible for the sake of “family,” or am I right that this isn’t my responsibility?

Reflection: What I’ve Learned

Here’s what I’ve realized from all this:

Kids of divorce aren’t emotional support systems. Parents need to respect custody boundaries. New partners are not replacements for a parent, and stepkids don’t automatically become caretakers.

I don’t think I’m wrong for wanting to keep my time with Mom intact. If Claire and Dad want me more involved, they must naturally build a relationship with me, not pressure me into one.

At the end of the day, I want to love my sibling when they arrive. But I also want to protect myself from being forced into roles I never agreed to play.

Mock Reddit Comment Section

[NTA] (⬆️ 17.5k)

You’re not your stepmom’s emotional support animal. She has your dad, family, and friends. Custody weeks are for you and your mom. He doesn’t get to steal that time just because he wants you to babysit his wife’s feelings.

[NTA] (⬆️ 10.9k)

This is classic divorced-parent boundary pushing. He’s trying to guilt you into being responsible for something that’s 100% his job. You’re right — forcing you will create resentment.

[YTA] (⬆️ 2.6k)

Unpopular opinion: yeah, a little. It wouldn’t kill you to stop by once or twice a week. She’s pregnant, lonely, and you’ll be her kid’s sister. Refusing entirely feels cold.

[ESH] (⬆️ 3.3k)

Dad sucks for guilt-tripping you. But saying “I won’t come at all” might have been too rigid. Maybe a compromise would work — like once every other week.

[NTA and relatable] (⬆️ 5.8k)

My dad did the same when his new wife was pregnant. He acted like it was my job to make her feel included. Spoiler: it’s not. Hold your boundary. You’ll regret it if you let him walk all over you.

[NAH] (⬆️ 2.1k)

I don’t think there are assholes here. Your dad is excited and wants you to be more involved. You’re a teenager who needs boundaries. Both perspectives make sense, but this requires an honest conversation, not pressure.

[NTA — Sarcastic Take] (⬆️ 6.7k)

Imagine getting divorced, remarrying, and then expecting your teen daughter to skip her mom’s week to be your wife’s emotional support buddy. 🙄 That’s not family, that’s free labor.