Our Marriage and Her Illness

I (45M) lost my wife, “Emily” (43F), about a year ago. We were married for almost 18 years. She was the love of my life, the mother of our two kids (16M and 13F), and truly my best friend.

About three years ago, Emily was diagnosed with cancer. It was a brutal fight. Through chemo, surgeries, and endless doctor visits, she stayed strong for as long as she could. We knew from the start that the prognosis wasn’t good, but she made it nearly three years before passing.

During her last months, she became very focused on “her wishes” — what she wanted us to do after she was gone. Most of them were beautiful and straightforward: celebrate her favorite holidays, plant flowers in the spring, and keep certain family traditions alive for the kids.

But one wish in particular has haunted me.

The Dying Wish

A few weeks before she passed, Emily told me that one of her final wishes was that I eventually reconnect with her sister, “Anna” (40F).

For context: Emily and Anna had a very strained relationship. Anna has always been difficult — manipulative, judgmental, and sometimes outright cruel. She and Emily had a falling out years ago over money Anna “borrowed” and never repaid. They barely spoke for the last decade, except occasionally during family gatherings.

I never liked Anna. Neither did the kids. She was often dismissive toward them, and she caused Emily a lot of stress.

Still, on her deathbed, Emily said, “Please try to make peace with Anna. She’s still my sister. Don’t let the family break apart after I’m gone.”

I nodded at the time. I didn’t want her last moments filled with conflict.

But since her death, I haven’t reached out to Anna.

Why I Haven’t Honored It

Here’s why:

1. Anna was toxic. She made Emily cry countless times during her life. I can’t stomach the idea of welcoming that negativity into my home after everything Emily went through.
2. The kids don’t want her around. They’ve told me repeatedly they don’t feel close to Anna and don’t want her suddenly playing “aunt” now.
3. I feel like Emily asked out of guilt. She was always the peacemaker, even when she was the one who was hurt. I think she wanted to “tie loose ends” before passing, but I don’t believe honoring that wish helps our family now.
4. Protecting peace matters. My priority is the kids’ stability, not forcing relationships with toxic relatives.

The Conflict

The issue came up again recently. Anna has been reaching out to me since the funeral. At first, it was occasional texts: “I’d love to see the kids sometime.” Then calls I ignored. Finally, she showed up unannounced at our house with gifts.

The kids refused to come downstairs. I asked her to leave. She said I was “spitting on Emily’s memory” by refusing her.

That cut deep. Because in the back of my mind, I wonder if I’m betraying Emily.

What My In-Laws Say

Emily’s parents (my in-laws) are split. Her dad agrees with me — he says Anna has always been selfish and Emily probably shouldn’t have asked me to reconnect in the first place.

But her mom says, “It was Emily’s dying wish. You should respect it, no matter what.”

Now I feel like half the family thinks I’m dishonoring Emily.

Why I Don’t Think I’m Wrong

Here’s why I stand by my choice:

• Wishes shouldn’t come at the expense of the living. My responsibility is to raise happy, healthy kids — not to fulfill a wish that brings misery.
• People can ask for impossible things. Just because Emily wished for it doesn’t mean it’s realistic.
• The kids’ voices matter. They’ve lost enough. They don’t deserve more stress.

Why I Still Feel Guilty

But guilt eats at me. I promised Emily I’d try. I didn’t really try. I nodded to her face and then ignored it later.

Sometimes I wonder: Am I being selfish? Did I twist her words into an excuse to avoid conflict?

And every time Anna accuses me of disrespecting Emily’s memory, I feel that pang of doubt.

The Bigger Picture

This isn’t just about Anna. It’s about grief, promises, and what it means to honor the dead while protecting the living.

I love Emily. I’ll always love her. But I don’t know if honoring this particular wish is truly honoring her, or just prolonging the pain she never wanted us to carry.

AITAH?

So Reddit — AITAH for not honoring my wife’s dying wish to reconnect with her sister? Am I protecting my kids and myself, or am I betraying her final trust in me?