Background: Our Relationship

I (36M) have been married to my wife “Rachel” (34F) for seven years. We’ve had our ups and downs like any couple, but I always thought our foundation was strong: love, trust, and a shared vision of the future.

We don’t have kids yet, though we’ve talked about it. We both work full-time, own a modest home, and for the most part, we’ve been happy.

But over the past year, cracks have started to show — and now I wonder if I can stay in this marriage.

The Issue

The core problem is respect. Or, more accurately, the lack of it.

Rachel has started dismissing my opinions, undermining me in front of friends, and making decisions without me. It started small — buying expensive things without telling me, making weekend plans without checking if I was free. But it’s escalated into bigger issues.

A recent example: I wanted to hold off on getting a new car until we had more savings. She bought one anyway, financing it in both of our names. I found out when the paperwork arrived.

When I confronted her, she brushed it off: “It’s just a car. Stop overreacting.”

The Disrespect in Public

Another thing that’s been eating at me is how she talks about me around others.

At a recent dinner party, she joked that I was “useless around the house” and that I “couldn’t be trusted with a grocery list.” Everyone laughed. I laughed too, but inside, I was humiliated.

When I brought it up later, she said, “Relax, it was just a joke. Don’t be so sensitive.”

But it doesn’t feel like a joke when it keeps happening.

The Breaking Point

The final straw came two weeks ago.

We had a huge argument because I discovered Rachel had been dipping into our joint savings account to send money to her brother. He’s always been irresponsible with money, and we agreed years ago that we wouldn’t bail him out anymore.

When I asked her why she did it, she said, “Because he needed me. I don’t need your permission to help my family.”

That broke something in me. It wasn’t just about the money. It was about her making unilateral decisions that affected both of us, then acting like my input didn’t matter.

Why I’m Considering Leaving

Here’s why I’m seriously considering divorce:

1. Lack of respect. I feel like my voice doesn’t matter in this marriage.
2. Betrayal of trust. Going behind my back with finances is a huge deal.
3. Pattern, not a one-off. This isn’t one fight — it’s been happening for over a year.
4. Emotional exhaustion. I’m tired of being laughed at, dismissed, and ignored.

Why I Feel Guilty

But I also feel guilty. Rachel isn’t a bad person. She’s funny, ambitious, and caring in many ways. She’s supported me, especially when I lost my job during COVID.

And I keep wondering: Am I overreacting? Every marriage has struggles. Should I end things over “disrespect” when we’ve built so much together?

Part of me feels like I’m failing if I walk away instead of fighting harder.

What Friends Have Said

I’ve confided in a few close friends. One said, “If she doesn’t respect you now, she never will. Cut your losses.” Another said, “This sounds like normal marriage stuff. Don’t throw it away over jokes and money fights.”

Even my own family is divided. My mom thinks I should work harder to make it work. My brother says I should run before I waste more years.

The Bigger Picture

This isn’t just about one car, argument, or “joke” at a party. It’s about a pattern of disregard that makes me feel small in my marriage.

I love Rachel. But love alone doesn’t erase the exhaustion I feel.

So now I’m here, typing this out to strangers on the internet, because I don’t know if I’m being dramatic or finally seeing things clearly.

AITA?

So, Reddit — AITAH, thank you for considering leaving my wife over this? Is it selfish to walk away when there’s still love, or is it smarter to go before I lose myself entirely?

Mock Reddit Comment Section